Players, Hornivores, Dogs

I'm disgusted by the latest single men complaint about single mothers. If they don't like them, then they should quit making them. The only woman in the world that ever existed to attend to a man's needs was his mother, before he became a man. After that, men need to quit expecting women to exist just to serve them. The men who have the gall to complain about the singles market being laden with single mothers, are the same ones that woo a woman for sex, feed her lies about love and relationships, have unprotected or under protected sex, and then expect her to abort the baby that comes from this. When that doesn't happen, they bail and play the victims card.

Wake up jerk offs! There's a lot of parents in this world who can back up the latest admission of the pharmaceutical companies that even the best birth control is only effective 85% of the time. That's without the various problems that can occur with birth control. 85% means children are conceived whether or not you did your best to protect yourself. Which means that every time you have sex, you either need to double up on protection, or accept the possible and likely fact that you may become a parent. It's heinously selfish for any man to assume that any woman he has sex with is going to abort an inconvenient accident. Lucky for the man if she does but tough if she doesn't.

Men have control, just not where they want it. If you don't want children at all ever, then get a vasectomy! There, you just took care of your birth control issues! Or hey, here's a thought, maybe you should stop screwing around like the dog you are! Or compromise and assume that no matter what method of birth control she uses, you must back it up with a condom! If not, deal with the consequences and quit your pathetic whining!

Men who blame women for "trapping" them (especially in your 30's and 40's, how pathetic) or refusing to abort, when the man was being a player are the bane of our society. Yes, you Mr. Hornivore Player are causing the decay of all that is decent and good in society!

Wonder Woman Doesn't Live Here Any More

This is something I wrote about a month ago, but it fits in with what I'm doing here.

Wonder Woman Doesn't Live Here Anymore

I'm a single parent, not because I wanted to be but because I ended up that way. I'm sure I can find many instances where I contributed to this situation. The first time I was a single parent, I ran away from a dangerous person. I embraced it both out of necessity and outrage. I believed I could do it all. The alternative was worse, but perhaps that is why it makes me even angrier the second time around. I know how hard it is. Now I'm a single parent because the man I loved and thought I could count on left me after the baby came. He was and still is full of promising words about being a good father to his child, but that rarely materializes. I'm lately left caring for a fussy baby who has been sick and teething and no longer goes to sleep with any kind of ease. It takes more than one hour, often more than two hours to get her to bed. Meanwhile, all my other responsibilities and family just wait for me to get back to them. On the rare occasion he is here to help, and then we can at least take turns soothing the baby to sleep. Then while one is caring for the baby, the other can care for the other household responsibilities, like feeding the rest of the family.

It's no longer about whether we see eye to eye on how to conduct ourselves with each other. It's about a whole new person who needs us more than we need our silly notions of love and romance. The reality check when it comes to children, is love and satisfying relationships don't deserve the priority our culture has given them. The care of children is critical and essential and yet we place our own needs for validation, approval, romance and excitement and this ever elusive notion of happiness wrapped in a package before our children. Or some of us do. Most parents who are living with and taking care of their children either know or are learning the importance of putting your child’s needs first, which are greater.

No one should stay in a dangerous relationship where there's abuse, recklessness, substance abuse and other situations unacceptable for anyone to live in. But America needs to get real on its ideas of love and romance. If you have children or bring children into a relationship, you have created the greatest responsibility of your life. No divorce court or child custody/visitation arrangement ever really puts the needs of the children first. It puts the needs of the parents to be away from each other or be away from the children first. Period. I know I sound like Dr. Laura and I don't like her, but living the life I live has taught me one thing, it's this. Children need intact families with more than one parent.

I'm a great mom and I make decent money. I own my own house and business. I raise two children mostly by myself. I benefit from the influence of my parents (married and in love for over 40 years, applause for them!)But I'm not wonder woman. I get very little sleep. I have very little in my retirement account, I have very little saved. I do not have the reserves to deal with an emergency or send my kids to college. I have an education. I have a thousand times, if not a million times more than most single mothers.

If you want your kids to have the best, then you have to zip up your pants, quit flirting with the girl or guy you just met, get over the fact that you find your girlfriend/boyfriend wife/husbands left eyelash irritating or that they like to read or don't like to read or watch too much football. Give up your fantasy about having a super thin woman/ six pack abs guy or someone who reads your mind and understands and appreciates your every nuance. That stuff doesn't matter in comparison to your children's emotional well being and stability. Your children need the stability that both parents working as an emotional support and financial support team, not two separate entities.

You're young even if you're starting at 40, your children will grow fast. Wait until they are in double digit years before you bail. And even then only bail a few blocks away so you can still be there for them. Then you have the rest of your life to chase your fantasies and self interests without taking away the critical foundations of your child's life.

In the meantime, there's a child who has no choice in their coming into the world, who needs love, support, patience and nurturing. This child needs the unconditional love and exhausting support of both parents. But when the man bails, especially before the child is even born or shortly after, it's mom who gets to go to work frazzled and under slept and get in trouble for doing a crappy job, because she was the only one available to soothe a fussy baby all night, night after night without end. Unless a man has actually cared for a child himself, he just doesn't get how much work it is and how many things must be ignored in order to care for the baby. For example, I still haven't had a shower today. I'll try again tomorrow. Sure, I could be taking one right now instead of writing this blog, but I just got done doing dishes, so there's no hot water. The blog is warmed by my anger.

I'm not even really interested in dating. I don't have time or energy to start with. I'm not in a place where I'm remotely willing to do more than have a conversation online or a cup of coffee, if I could get away. But here I am, contemplating the possibility that someday I'll actually want to try to meet someone compatible. I don't want to find someone to be a dad to my children. That is roulette in and of itself. I'm done having children, at least my doctor promised me that after the surgery. I just hope that some day, I will be able to have companionship. But that isn't today. Like I said, Wonder Woman doesn't live here anymore.

The Green Goddess' first post

I'm starting by apologizing in advance for all the offense I may incur in the future. I plan to vent some hefty thoughts, pains, and more here. I'm a writer, and earthy gardener and a mom. I have a lot to say. But getting it worked out requires I unjumble the thoughts. Blogging is public journaling which is risky. But somehow, being heard, no matter how hormonally induced of a mood, rational or not, seems essential.

Potential topics may contain but are not limited to: politics, women's issues, family, children, breast feeding, babies, pregnancy, relationships, sex, corporate work, government, gardening, organics, ecology, compost, cloth diapering, birth control, men and the crappy things they do...